Redlands-

What can I say…

In retrospect rushing back into a race like Redlands after my crash was not a good idea. Live and learn, eh?

In the 2 and half weeks between the accident and the start of Redlands I spent a grand total of 10 hrs on my bike. Where was I expecting the fitness to come from? Who knows. No one ever accused me of being smart.

The reality is that the ramifications of the crash had much greater consequences than I let myself (or others) believe. My constant need to sleep and labored movement of limbs and mind should have been a warning but again, in this sport we tend to ignore these kinds of things. Acknowledging that you might need to recover a bit more, skip that race that you’d been planning to peak for, or the horror- admit you are human(!) can be more painful and demoralizing than the physical penalties we endure.

For me, the thought of all my teammates being in Southern CA without me, racing, was unfathomable. So I went. And so I suffered. And so I missed the time cut on the first road stage in what can only be described as my worst ever day on a bike.

I started off the race by taking the TT fairly easy, skipping the use of our new BH time trial bikes in favor of my road bike. It was a short 5k course with an ass kicking final climb of around 2k. Normally the hill at the end would have been right up my alley but I could hardly get my legs to turn over fast enough to keep me from falling over. Again, another sign not to be racing. Brain says “IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!!!”

Directly after the TT, I went back to our room and slept. I’d never felt so tired after such a short effort in my life.

Friday- the road race… I’d prefer not to relive it. My legs were painful to the touch before the start and as soon as the road tilted up I went backwards. Not cool. The one saving grace about spending the day off the back, which was a brand new experience for me, was finding a good partner in Megan Elliott. I’ve seen Megan around races before but had never spoken to her much, just a hello here and there. She and I were clearly on a death march so having one another to make the best of our situation was a welcome relief. She’s been racing for a long time and gave me some really good tips and advise on races that I’ll be doing for the first time this year. It’s too bad that she’s retiring soon to go to law school and spend more time with her boyfriend Chris. With all the time he spends in Europe with Astana, she says her own racing has lost it’s luster after so many years of doing it and the time away from him becomes harder and harder. I guess I can’t blame her but I’ll be sad to see her go.

So anyway, we finished the stage but were victims of the time cut. Again, another sign I wanted to ignore… Fortunately for me I had no choice but to turn in the numbers and look forward to the next block of racing.

In the aftermath of the week, after much reflection, after many hours of talking to sponsors, coach and family… I’ll be ok. The expectations others have for me are great but my own far eclipse all of these. I have a difficult time admitting to vulnerability or weakness in myself, I hate excuses, I probably push myself too hard to my own detriment. I love this sport so much that I can’t accept giving it anything less than my best but in order to reach the goals I’ve set for myself maturity and patience have to play a bigger role in my racing. Easier said that done? Maybe… but I’m working on it.

Thanks to everyone who sent encouraging letters, they mean a lot. And to the few who sent letters asking why I suck so much- I guess it all dates back to Adam and the apple. What can I say, I’m human. It’s in my nature! :)

On that note, off to train-

Heads up!
Lizzer